If only someday someone writes me poetry this beautiful and magical.
I couldn't remember the happenings of last night,
In my dreams that is.
Waking I became restless,
6am, passed restlessly.
I remember talking to you when I couldn't sleep.
Now I take medicine.
Medicine that is sometimes better than you.
That is the miracle of modern medicine.
Someone I long forgot,
Or possibly blocked out of my memory.
Someone who violated my being,
Took away my soul,
Made me feel little and helpless,
Because in those moments I had no control,
He drugged me and took them away.
But he was sorry.
Said what he did to me brought him nightmares.
I didn't have anybody to share that with.
You have placed me into purgatory,
I must finish my sentence before you will talk to me.
Even if I finish my time, you may ignore me like your heart forever.
Another friend went off on adventure with a boy,
I was going to tell her about such a monumental moment,
I have been waiting for that moment for years.
If only my father would give me that kind of closure,
Maybe then I could breathe a little more easily.
Maybe then life would be more breezy beneath my dress,
Where I don't feel the need to wear underwear.
I like the breeze on my vagina.
I will tell my apology to my mom's therapist,
At least she can listen to such a monumental moment,
And though on a normal day I would be sad that I don't have much,
I will take my off-brand - nonaddictive form of Xanax,
She prescribed it to me so I don't "freak out" in inopportune moments;
And to be happy,
I deserve to be happy for once.
In my one dream I was kissing a girl,
You didn't see,
But you saw me holding her hand,
I think I was comforting her from something awful,
You objected and wouldn't let me do such an innocent gesture,
As holding a hand of a friend,
At least dreams are only memories long suppressed,
Beautiful in their innocence.